Romano Cheese
by Jywy
Summary: Who knew making Romano cheese could cause such trouble? Slight Spamano.


**A/N: This was actually an attempt to write Spamano smut. I challenged myself. But… I was obviously not blessed/cursed this gift/curse. I guess this is what you would call a Crack!fic. **

**T is for Tony, America's swearing alien. But it shouldn't be that bad. Just prepared to be scarred for life.**

**And for those who know me personally,**

**I am sorry. I am so, so sorry. **

**Disclaimer: If I was Hima-papa, I would own Hetalia. But I'm not, so I don't. **

**Please flame, rant about why Canadian bacon is tastes like ham, skip this whole story and write your own fanfiction in the review, tell me how historically inaccurate this story is, or/and ask too personal questions. **

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Before the golden pig attacked, all was not going well for Romano. He had slept in which always gave him stomach aches when he woke up. But he blamed the stomach ache on Veneziano when he discovered that Veneziano had made a new type of cheese and decided to name it "Romano."

"Why?" Romano sighed still half-asleep.

"Come on, fratello! Try some! It's a recipe I learned from Grandpa Rome!"

So Romano took a slice and chewed it, but he couldn't taste a thing.

"I don't taste a thing!"

"That's because it is Romano cheese!"

The door bell rang. Italy dashed to the door. England had appeared.

"What the-" Romano started.

"Yay England!" Veneziano beamed. Romano gagged. When was he so friendly to England? "Hey fratello! I invited everybody to celebrate my wonderful cheese!"

"WHAT?"

England casually walked in, as if trying to show off his formal gentlemanliness aura. Romano gagged again when he saw Veneziano and England chatting about the cheese. Then he turned around to glare at the door, daring someone to on knock it.

Unfortunately, England was the first…and last to walk through the door.

"THE AWESOME ME HAS ARRIVED." Prussia exploded through the walls, with America laughing behind. Romano twitched.

But that was before he saw Germany walking down the stairs from Romano's and Veneziano's bedroom, as if he has done this all his life.

"WHAT THE RAVIOLI JUICES WERE YOU UPSTAIRS FOR?" Romano screamed.

"I had to use the bathroom." Germany answered, unfazed.

"BUT WHEN WERE YOU IN THE HOUSE-"

Japan appeared from the stairs also, with a bouncing white squishy looking thing that attacked Romano's face. Romano was shaking. This thing had a face.

"Kill me now." Romano groaned.

"It's okey! I'm American!" Then the face melted into a puddle of sticky white liquid.

"Romano, you jizzed?" Korea was in awe, as he stared at the puddle of white liquid.

"Did you jizz?" China asked.

"You jizzed?" Sealand was learning new words every day.

"NO YOU BASTARDS! AND WHERE-"

"Then explain this puddle!" China was enraged.

"There was this white thing that melted!"

"Suuuuuureee."

"It was obviously from sensing the sexy me!" France appeared from nowhere with a grin, but that was before he was pegged by a blackened scone.

"YOU WANKER!" England got drunk, probably because someone forced him to drink wine…probably to convince him wine was better than beer.

"You jizzer! British jizzer of all jizzes!" Sealand liked this new word.

"Aha!" America found a dictionary. "So a wanker is someone who jizzes?"

"GRAMMAR!"

"Romano is a wanker!" France gasped.

"England is a wanker!" Sealand gasped.

"Wait, how did you know what happened last ni-" England gagged, putting an iron grip on Sealand's shoulder.

"SHUT UP. WE WILL NOW SETTLE THIS WITH BLACK MAGIC." Romania growled.

"This is like, so totally like, cool, Liet!" Poland dashed in with his pony, using the convenient hole Prussia made. Lithuania was holding on for dear life. Sparkles filled the room because Poland was here.

…

GERMAN SPARKLE PARTY.

Meanwhile, England was leaking out too much magic. He had summoned Russia. Hanging on to Russia, Belarus and Ukraine were also summoned. Estonia and Latvia were there because Russia was there.

Poland's pony licked the melted mochi.

"EWWWWWW!" China and Korea was not amused. Well, Korea wasn't until he saw Ukraine.

"Soo… huge…"

"Aww! You did such a good job on this cheese, Italy! It tastes so sweet!" Belgium praised Italy. "It reminds me… of Romano."

Romano was totally not blushing. I mean, it was just some stupid cheese!

"I think it tastes foreign." Prussia said.

"Me, too." America said.

"GRAMMAR!"

"It reeks of delicious cheese scent!" France the cheese expert said.

"It's like you can hear the foul language from the cheese." Germany agreed.

"Hey!" Romano scowled.

"When I eat this cheese, pleasure thoughts of you becoming one with me awaken." Russia pleasure smiled.

…

"Fucking bitch nuzzle." Tony said.

"Japan was made in China." Taiwan recited after China.

"No! I am my own people! I am not made in China!" Japan opposed.

Denmark was wondering what would happen if he shaved one of England's eyebrows off.

Romano realized that everyone was here, even Canada, who was passed out on the couch. His bear was chatting with Cuba about brown pipe cleaners. Well, everyone was here except for-

"FUSOSOSOSO~!" The window exploded with a flying golden pig riding on Spain. A herd of turtles followed. Italy was mass producing Romano cheese. In fact, several cheese houses were already selling on Ebay.

"How are you even getting the sheep to make this cheese?" France asked.

Italy pointed at England. Lumps of magic were popping out of nowhere. They formed into sheep that followed their mother Pony. Poland was painting their hooves pink.

"If you were a bear, what bear would you be?" Canada's bear asked.

"Pedo bear." France replied.

Sealand was talking to Latvia. "Yo mama's so fat-"

"Kolkolkol…" Mother Russia glared at Sealand.

"EVERYBODY SHUT YOUR PATHETIC FACES UP. SPAIN IS HERE AND I AM AWESOME." Prussia declaimed.

And Spain took a bite of Romano cheese. His clothes went missing.

"HELL YA!" Prussia followed suit, and ran straight to Austria, only to have Hungary smack him with a frying pan.

"Romano is delicious!" Spain drooled. America mochi reincarnated into a donut. But then the sheep ate him. But that's okay. He's American. Sheep act like constipated whales sometimes.

Japan was on the roof.

"Romano is so moist!" Spain said.

Romano can only hide in a box he found. He was totally not blushing in any horrid way. He had to stop this nonsense! He didn't know why he was still alive, and how he had some sanity left in him. Wait, he was hiding in a box. Maybe he wasn't sane after all. He addressed the situation. Barnyard animals plus turtles were pillaging food in the house. Nations have gone crazy. Romano cheese was mass producing. Then he remembered England's magic! He could get one of those lumpy things and try to stop it all!

He ran out of the box, and pushed his way through every nation, animal, and mythical objects to England. He grabbed a lump of magic, but a spider popped out of nowhere, scaring Romano.

He glanced around and took in the mess one last time. Spain was nowhere in sight. He made his final decision.

"I knew I shouldn't have gotten out of bed." And he retired to his bedroom.

Spain was waiting there.

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**A/N: Bring on the fire! :D**


End file.
